


the mast was charred but still so strong

by haipollai



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Human Experimentation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Resistance Fighters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 05:44:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/975122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve keeps a chessboard in his room to remind himself that this war they're caught up in, he's not going to win it with blood and tears. He's going to win by playing the right moves at the right time.</p>
<p>He stands alone in his room now. It's part of the old underground but was converted to a bunker years ago, expanded now into a series of networks and tunnels running in a web under the city. Steve chose a room close to the central hub, he wanted to be close for emergencies, for when the enemy gets close in the middle of the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the mast was charred but still so strong

Steve keeps a chessboard in his room to remind himself that this war they're caught up in, he's not going to win it with blood and tears. He's going to win by playing the right moves at the right time.

He stands alone in his room now. It's part of the old underground but was converted to a bunker years ago, expanded now into a series of networks and tunnels running in a web under the city. Steve chose a room close to the central hub, he wanted to be close for emergencies, for when the enemy gets close in the middle of the night.

Someone will come to get him soon. There is no battle raging on somewhere, for once the halls of the bunker are only filled with sounds of people. It's something else bringing them all together. The creation of a mentat. Like the queen on a chessboard, able to move in ways no other piece can.

There's the soft knock on the door, right on cue and Sharon sticks her head in. "Everything's ready."

He nods wordlessly and before he steps away, grabs the king off the board and slips it into his pocket.

"You sure you're okay with this?" She asks, holding the door open for him.

"No. But he is."

Sharon tightens her lips in disapproval. "It could kill him."

"He knows." He fingers the chess piece in his pocket as they make their way through the halls. Steve made sure Bucky knew everything. It didn't make him feel any better about agreeing to the process but they all agreed. They needed a mentat. There were so many pieces missing and all they were doing, all they had been doing was reacting to constant attacks. It was time to change that.

Everything is arranged in the main room. They don't have an infirmary, people are usually patched up where they fall. But this is something different, they need space for the operation, room for all the computers and medical equipment. In the middle of all that is a simple metal chair and Bucky hovers in front of it, not quite ready to sit down. He manages a smile when he sees Steve.

"Thought you were going to miss the show." He looks calm except his fingers twist together, betraying his own anxiety.

Steve sighs softly and sets his shoulder, drawing on his own strength so he can be a comfort to Bucky. Other people are gathered around the edges of the room, watching with a mix of curiosity and fear. He has to be strong for all of them too. Steve curls his hand around the nape of Bucky's neck, resting his forehead on Bucky's. "Never dreamed of it."

"Good, cause I'd fry your brain if you missed this." He manages a smile but all it does it make it more obvious how nervous he is.

"Than I'm happy I showed," Steve whispers, scared if he talks any louder, his fear will make him choke.

Bruce clears his throat. "We're ready to begin."

Steve reluctantly takes a step back from Bucky, nudging him towards the chair. There are straps that go over his wrists, another carefully around his head to keep him still. Someone else brings up a box for Steve to sit on. Sharon takes position right behind him, while he watches Bucky. He can't even touch. A low electrical charge runs from the chair through Bucky to try to keep everything in his body running steadily. 

"I'm ready doc," Bucky says, eyes meeting Steve's. "Cut me open."

Bruce looks at Steve over Bucky's shoulder and gets a nod. They're ready to begin. The room is filled with the sound of a razor as Bruce shaves off a patch of Bucky's hair over where they'll be working. Jane has a syringe full of some pain killer that she injects into Bucky while Bruce shaves. It won't knock him out, they can't risk that while cutting into his brain, but should numb him enough they can do their work with minimal fuss.

For the first time since this all began, Bucky gives him a real smile.

"You're high as a fucking kite," Steve says.

"Dunno what a kite is, haven't been outside these fucking halls except to shoot people since I was five." Bucky speaks slowly because of the drugs but his words still dip into mumbles.

"Do you want me to tell you?" He keeps his eyes focused on Bucky as Sam attaches monitors to him, refusing to think about what's about to happen despite all the reminders around him. All he has to do is focus on this conversation, he can do that, talking with Bucky has always been easy.

"Nah, know soon enough." He falls quiet as the hum of the razor shuts off, leaving the room echoing with the sound of nothing. A crowd holding it's breath.

"You need to keep talking Buck, about anything and everything." He brushes his fingers quickly over Bucky's knee. It's all the touching he can do for now.

"I'm gonna be bald," Bucky frowns. 

"You needed a haircut anyway."

Bucky laughs, and just the sound makes Steve smile. As long as he doesn't look at Bruce this will be okay. He doesn't have to see the scalpel cutting into Bucky's skin, creating a neat incision to get through to the bone. Jane is off to the side, keeping an eye on the nanites with Tony. The nanites are supposed to increase normal brain function, give humans telepathic powers, allow them to take in and process more information and faster. But too much and it can just as easily drive them insane. So many risks, it feels like too many but Bucky agreed to this even though Steve doesn't trust Stark as far as he can throw him, and Bucky trusts him even less, but he's the best encoder they have. That either side has. And now Bucky's life and sanity are in his care.

"You're worried," Bucky murmurs. "Can tell you know, your forehead gets all screwy."

"Screwy? How old are you?" Sharon can't resist grumbling. 

"I'm old enough to do this." Bucky says, his lower lip sticking out slightly.

"I know. I agreed to it," Steve cuts in. An argument between the two of them probably wouldn't help the surgery. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Sam step back up, bandages in hand to sop up the blood as Bruce works.

Bucky doesn't seem to notice the work going on behind him, so at least the painkillers are working. "Hey, Steve?"

Steve reaches out, brushing his fingers over Bucky's knee again. "Right here."

"This isn't gonna change us, right?" Bucky sounds so young. Just a seventeen year old kid. Steve has some advantage on him, having lived a little bit outside before the war began, but Bucky only knows this. Steve suddenly longs for the surgery to work, to be done so Bucky can finally feel what being a kid is like. Running around with a real kite in the sun.

"We'll change," Steve says softly. "We don't stop changing, but we'll still be Steve and Bucky. And that can't go wrong."

"Promise?"

The sound of the drill fills the space between one word and the next. Steve can see Bucky swallow hard, the apprehension hitting him hard despite the numbing effects of the drugs. "I promise," Steve says. "Love you." They never say it often. Love is a luxury and they aren't the ancient Greeks, looking for inspiration on the battlefield. They have enough of that watching their homes burn in the aftermath of Hydra's war machine.

"What if this doesn't work?" Bucky asks, panic creeping into his voice. Jane moves close to catch Steve's eye.

'Calm him' she mouths.

"It will. Come on, you've got the best hands in the world working on your head." He manages a smile, it's always easier than it should be. Bucky starts to shake his head but the strap prevents him. "And you promised you wouldn't die on me Barnes. Remember? That was the deal. I give you a gun and you don't die." He focuses on Bucky, trying to will him to listen. The buzz of the drill fades into the background, not nearly as important as the furrow in Bucky's brow and the clench of his fists.

"This isn't a gun, Steve." But his breathing seems to come a little easier, his shoulders slump just a little bit.

"Yes it is. Maybe it doesn't look the same, but it's a gun. The best damn gun in the world and it's going to be in your head." He leans forward, wishing desperately he could touch, this would be so much easier but to disrupt the electrical pulse might kill Bucky. "I swear Bucky if you die on me, I'll kill you myself."

That gets Bucky to smile. "Fine. Deal. Won't die on you." He laughs weakly. "Fuck you, you stubborn ass." There's movement behind Bucky, Tony and Jane coming over with a new syringe. It looks like it's full of gray sludge so Steve makes himself not look. This is it. The final step to making Bucky something other than human. Mentat tech was developed before the war began but was so dangerous it never made it out of the lab. Even now, with all of their own technology and countless test subjects from subjugated populations, Hydra only has three on the entire damn planet. There were rumors of the French resistance creating one but it's hard to get messages across the oceans, even with the water levels lowered dramatically, pumped out to cool off giant machines and factories and filling the air with a thick haze that's an unknown mix of chemicals and steam. Steve doesn't even know what they're fighting for anymore, maybe all they'll get at the end is being allowed to live undisturbed in their tunnels.

But it'll be better than living in tunnels constantly bombarded by enemy forces.

"Steve?" Bucky gasps. His eyes squeeze shut and a faint tremor runs through him. "Steve?" He asks again, sounding more desperate.

"I'm right here, it's okay Buck. It's okay, you'll be okay." The words tumble out of him before he even processes what he's saying. Bucky doesn't even seem to hear, his breathing coming faster and faster and as Tony finishes and steps back, Bucky's entire body goes taut, pulling at his restraints. Bruce moves faster now, working to close up the incision while Bucky's body starts fighting whatever is going on inside it. Jane somehow gets his mouth open and shoves something inside before he can bite through his tongue.

And there's nothing to do but wait.

Steve slumps forward, resting his head in his hands. He knows as a leader he's supposed to be strong but he's found there's power in simply being human as well. Slowly he stands, feeling worn out and exhausted. Jane gives Bucky something else and he falls limp, unconscious, only held up by the strap around his head. "When it's safe, bring him to my room," Steve orders softly.

Jane nods and reaches out to squeeze his hand. "He's still alive, Steve. He'll make it."

But living wasn't the only risk of becoming a mentat. The nanobots could self destruct, they could wipe out memories, bodily functions. Bucky could wake up with no memories, without the ability to feed himself, he could never wake up at all. Steve manages a smile because they all need to believe that. Some fears can't be voiced. "Take good care of him Doctor."

He turns back to the men and women and children pressed against the edges of the room, not sure what they had just witnessed. "Come on, we have a pause right now. I believe the Hall Alpha-Ex still needs some additional shoring, and someone needs to feed us." People starts to scatter. Some risk meeting his eyes and trying to give their own quiet reassurances. It makes him feel a little better. No matter what happens, they're in this together.

Some people still linger in the hall, Thor and Sif and Rhodey all stand together in a knot.

"Talk to me," Steve says. Sif shoves a skein of water at him and Steve drinks without question.

"There's movement coming in from the south," Rhodey says. He had been a soldier in the US Air Force until Hydra had folded it into it's own organization. Like any other government takeover, it was easiest to keep certain branches running without interruption. Rhodey had fled into the tunnels, newly created back then, after two weeks. "They look like just a scouting party, another trying to find any tunnel entrance."

Steve purses his lips. One of the last major entrances for refugees was in the south, they must have a spy in one of the countless refugee camps still on the surface that people were crammed into. They would have to do something.

"We can't make it obvious they're on the right track," Sif adds. "I propose a diversion, a distraction to the east. Towards the old entrance."

Steve nods. "Make them think they've found a group of escapees trying to find the tunnels. Lead them to the old eastern sections, have people there to welcome the refugees. Not too many, it has to look legit."

"I'll take Carol and Val," Sif volunteers immediately.

"I shall-"

"No," Steve cuts Thor off. "Not for something small. We still have the risk of that bigger force above us." The giant airship had been drifting up and down the Eastern coast for two weeks. They have no anti-aircraft weaponry, no choice but to sit underground and hope the lead walls prevented any detection. Steve has little doubt they'll attack, it's only a matter of when. Focusing on the threats facing them makes it easier to not worry about Bucky, still in the chair behind him. "They'll be enough. Get Kate, Eli and a few other fighters to play our refugees, that way they can jump in and help fight. If it's too many, let me know _immediately_."

Sif used to try to play the hero, one against many. While things have changed, she's changed, some fears don't leave easily. Sif only nods and secures her wrist radio. They couldn't be used to send vocal messages, it held up the frequency and could be tracked easily, but quick coded messages could be sent.

"Rhodey, join them as backup. Stay out of sight unless you're absolutely needed. Feel free to pick some off if you get good shots. No wasting ammo." Old fashioned weapons, swords, bows and arrows, are the preference these days. A piece of scrap can be made into a sword, a small branch sharpened into an arrow. Ammo needed a factory. Rhodey still holds onto his old service weapon and is a crack shot with it but he's one of the few left. Sif shifts the sheath at her back, a slight sign to indicate her impatience. "Alright, go, prepare your team."

Sif and Rhodey disappear down one of the halls to gather everyone else they'll need, leaving only Steve and Thor. Steve still can't turn to look at Bucky. Terrified he'll turn only in time to see him die.

"He is strong," Thor says softly. As softly as a man his size can. "He will survive this."

"I hope you're right."

Thor gives him an understanding look and Steve remembers Thor's own brother is one of the few surviving mentats. Only for the wrong side. "Come, we should double check provisions. If any need to go forage now is the perfect time." Steve lets Thor pull him away, down a different hall to one of the food storage rooms. They have five arranged around the hub, and another six at different hubs connected by smaller, deeper tunnels. Moving between hubs is almost impossible but making it any easier would make them harder to destroy if a hub was overtaken. It had kept the resistance alive this long.

Steve risks one glance back at Bucky before following Thor. He's still unconscious and the doctors all buzz around him, checking monitors and readouts. He's alive. Steve clings to that, maybe they can finally bring the fight back to Hydra.

-

He spends the rest of the day, checking on everything and everyone. Anything to keep him distracted. It's only when he stumbles and Hank has to catch him before he destroys some vital test tubes that Steve gives in and lets himself be directed back to his own room. He's not sure if it's fear or exhaustion that slow his steps. There is no longer any sign in the main room of the surgery that had happened earlier. He has no idea if Bucky is alive or dead.

The panic only gets worse when he's in front of his door. Thor has to open it for him. Steve's lost people before, his father died in the Border Wars adn his mother was killed in the invasion of New York. There was Peggy when he was a teenager before she had left, gone to help out in San Francisco and Bernie until radiation from a dirty bomb had killed her. So much and the idea of losing just one more, of losing Bucky, hits him hard. Behind the door is the final answer if he survived the procedure or not and part of Steve simply doesn't want to know.

"I will leave you two alone," Thor says, nodding to Jane who sits just inside with a book. Steve takes the few steps inside, sluggish and tired and the door falls shut loudly. Jane stands, her mouth opening to say something but Steve finally notices the body on his bed. "Bucky?"

Bucky smiles weakly and waves. "Hey, soldier. Starting to think you forgot about me."

"I-" Steve looks to Jane, not sure what to say.

"It seems to have worked," she smiles in relief. They all had so much riding on this. "He's still in pain, but he's definitely him."

"Thank you," Steve breathes, pulling her into a tight hug. Jane laughs in surprise but embraces him back. Bucky is still watching them through half lidded eyes.

"I'm going to get some rest," Jane says, stepping away. She gives Bucky a stern look. "Any changes, Barnes-"

"I'll yell, promise."

She doesn't look reassured but she leaves. Steve doesn't wait for the door to close to get to Bucky's side, kissing him softly as he's wanted to do all day. "You're alive."

"Hell yea, can't be killed that easily." It's all bravado and they both know it, but it's so familiar that Steve can't stop smiling. He wants to believe Bucky is truly that tough for a little bit. "Can't really do much through the pain, but maybe tomorrow?" He shifts on the bed so there's room for Steve to settle down beside him.

"Tomorrow." He can't remember the last time that word held so much promise and he holds Bucky a little tighter.

-

Tomorrow, he sits back as Sif and Carol give a full report of the ambush from the day before and Clint gives his own report from his scouting over the night. Bucky sits beside him but doesn't seem to be paying attention. He has a few pieces of paper in his lap and seems to be sketching.

"They want to drown us," he says suddenly.

Everyone turns to look at him but he is staring at the piece of paper in front of him like it contains all the answers. "They don't even need to find the three entrances. Water log the soil, let the walls fall apart around us as the foundation slips away."

"Where the hell would they get all the water?" Carol argues.

"Hudson Dam," Sam says.

"They'd destroy a dam to destroy us?"

No one answers her this time. No one has to. 

"They're trying to find us to figure out which dam to break. Or maybe they'll just break all of them." Bucky presses his palm against his head, starting to look too pale and drawn.

"Stop Bucky, you're going to break something," Steve orders. It's still too new. Bucky can't process what he's sensing. "If they decide to be that dramatic they'll need ways to direct the water's flow to ensure enough reaches us. We'd notice that." He squeezes Bucky's shoulder. "So we'll start with something simple that we do know exists. How do we take down that ship above us?"

Just like every other time Steve has asked, no one has an answer. It's out of range, no one knows how the damn thing even seems to stay constantly afloat.

"Magnetic repulsion," Bucky says, smiling slowly. "It uses magnetic repulsion to stay afloat." He's scribbling again, trying to organize his thoughts. There's the faint hint of pain lines around his eyes but this time he stays focused. "If we can disrupt the field, it should come crashing right out of the sky."

"Think of what we can scavenge from that, Steve," Sam leans forward.

"Medicine, tech, food? They have to eat, right?" Jane adds.

"The _weaponry_ on that thing," Sharon almost sighs happily.

Steve takes the time to look around at the other people at the table. His closest advisers and friends. For the first time in a very long time they look excited. He could kiss Bucky right then and there despite his own policy to keep their relationship quiet, away from judgment and prying eyes. Bucky meets his eyes and Steve realizes he can sense Steve's emotions. He taps his pencil against his lips, trying to indicate he understands and Steve gets it. "Okay people," Steve says. "First thing's first, we have to crash it."

Bruce looks up. "Give me and Tony fourty-eight hours with help from Carol and Mr. Barnes."

"Done."

It's hard to focus on everyday business after that. News that maybe they can take down the ship runs quickly through the entire complex and Steve has no doubt that by the end of the day other hubs will have heard. Now they just have to prove they can do this.

-

Steve gets a summons to see Bruce a few hours later and finds a small group gathered in his lap. Bucky seems to be the center of everyone's attention, seated in a chair with his head in his hands. A stab of fear shoots through Steve, panic that something has finally gone wrong. Everything was going too well, it feels inevitable. But Bucky lifts his head and shoots him a weak glare. The color of his skin seems to practically match the bandage wrapped around his head, it isn't very reassuring.

Everyone else finally notices him and Tony yanks him forward. "Okay so mentats need something to focus and ground themselves with and I guess they were supposed to be given training and time for that shit but we don't have it," he rattles off quickly, leaving Steve feeling confused.

"Just sit," Bucky hisses. Steve listens to him without question, kneeling down between Bucky's knees. He can't help but remember the last time they were positioned like this, but with a lot less company and fewer clothes. The corner of Bucky's lips quirk up in a smirk. "Did too much at once."

"He collapsed," Jane elaborates stiffly.

"Stop babysitting me," Bucky retorts.

"Start taking care of yourself," she snaps back.

Steve touches Bucky's shoulder, drawing his attention back to him. "What do you need, Bucky?"

"You," he whispers. "I need- like a safe place. It's like a fucking hive mind up there and it was so easy to get lost and just trying to get back- I guess I should have done this last night." He touches Steve's cheek and there's an odd feeling, like someone pressing against his head. "I- I'm not very good at this yet. No finesse," Bucky apologizes. Steve shuts him up with a kiss, thinking back to how Bucky touches him in bed, how rough and awkward he was at first. Unsure of what he was doing. The pressure on his head eases and becomes something more like a caress, like Bucky is feeling around the edges of his mind. For a moment, Steve thinks he can feel Bucky's mind, a low rumbling chaos but than Bucky's touch snaps back and they're both left breathless.

"Okay?" Steve breathes.

"I don't get it," Bucky has his eyes closed but his hands are still on Steve. "What's the point of a kite? You just run around with it? I can run around just fine, it's not that exciting."

Steve chokes back his laughter and gets back to his feet, leaning down to press a kiss to Bucky's forehead. "Get that ship out of the sky and I'll show you."

Bucky looks up at him and for a second he looks his age, not the young man who has lived in tunnels and been fighting the bad guys his entire life. "Promise?"

"Yea, promise." He gets out of the way so they can get back to work. He lingers at the doorway though, keeping an eye on Bucky. He can feel it sometimes, Bucky touching his mind as if to reassure himself. Sharon finally shows up with more rumors, there's still work to do. Still a war to fight, one ship is only the start.


End file.
